Published by Kehrer Verlag | Dimensions: 20 × 24 cm| Hard Cover, Swiss Binding
A photobook by Dana Stirling exploring mental health and depression through still life photography. It’s estimated that almost 280 million people worldwide live with depression. Among this staggering number, this book unveils the personal narrative of just one of them—me. As a child of immigrants, I found myself living in a duality that often left me feeling like an outsider in both worlds. I was a cultural chameleon, navigating the ever-shifting boundaries of identity. Amidst the cacophony of conflicting cultures, there was a profound sense of isolation, a feeling of not quite belonging to either place. Photography emerged as my sanctuary, a medium through which I could articulate the unspoken turmoil within. However, even as my lens captured moments of beauty, the weight of sadness lingered, a constant companion hovering at the edge of every frame. Why Am I Sad is a personal exploration through the shadows of melancholy, unfolded in vivid still life photography that celebrates and challenges the notion of beauty and sadness. I extend an invitation to delve into this narrative—a narrative woven with threads of family legacy of mental health, cultural identity, and the relentless pursuit of self-understanding. Each photograph serves as a mirror reflecting the complexities of human emotion—a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. Behind each photograph lies a story, a silent echo of my mother's struggle with clinical depression—a battle fought in the shadows, unseen yet deeply felt. Her pain became intertwined with my own, shaping the contours of my journey through sadness. Through the lens of my camera, I invite you to join me on this introspective odyssey, where every image is a step closer to understanding the enigma of sadness.
This in progress body of work is a self-reflection of who I am as a person and my connection to photography. Growing up back in a small town in Israel, I spent most of my time inside my room. I felt alone both outside those walls and inside of them. I was always alone even when I was around others. My house never really felt like a home, and my room was not an escape it was just all I had. Family was not a comfort; it was a cause for much of the stress, anxiety and mainly the sadness I felt.
My mother, even though we didn’t speak about it often, suffers from clinical depression. I saw her lose more and more of herself, becoming less and less a person I understood. When you are young you just think of it as if your mom is just a little sad, so it makes sense that you also are – a little sad sometimes.
It took me years to understand how it really affected me and my own struggles with depression.
As I grew older, and my frustration of the situation grew, I found myself hiding in my room for days, hours and years, buried with my head down in this sand prison. I just felt sad all the time. I felt like there was no escape. Ever.
In this loneliness, I found comfort in photography. With my camera it would be just me in my room and a random object like an eggshell, a figurine, a mirror etc. and I could have it tell my story for me. Photography allowed me to take my inner dialogue and bring it out by using still life as my personal coded language. I was able to communicate with these objects better than people. They told the story I was not able to.
Now, years after moving as far as I could from that room, I find myself still being sad. Photography has become not just an escape but now also my burden. When I don’t photograph, I am sad, and when I do photograph my images are sad as well as if I am no longer able to escape the cloud of sad that is above me. "Why am I Sad?” is my exploration of my personal relationship to photography and the world that I see through my camera’s lens. It is an open question that I don’t intend to answer but I hope that I can find comfort in it once more.